Daffodils on Display

My daffodils are decked in tresses of white this morning, their heads bent low, covered in snow.

Oh, I know… it happens every year.

I can’t tell you how excited I was a couple of weeks ago when I first spotted the green stems poking out of the ground! In no time at all it seemed the tips started to swell… then turn a pale yellow… and finally burst open in a glorious explosion of springtime joy!!!

And then last night came another round of snow, and this morning those yellow bonnets are bent down low.

Perhaps you know how they feel. You buried your spark along with your spouse and have endured months of emotional darkness and cold, no matter what the time of year. It’s been a struggle; we’re reminded that new life is birthed only through pushing and pain; grief doesn’t want to let go. But maybe of late your spirits have started to warm up a bit, and a sprout of hope has made its way through the layers of sadness holding it down. To your surprise you may have felt a swelling in your spirit as things started to look a little brighter. Maybe a few bursts of joy and laughter have at last made their way into your days. 

And then came another blast of snow… bad news or a new difficulty blew in… maybe the arrival of another anniversary or the passing of the latest solitary holiday… and just like that you are brought low and bent over, seemingly crushed by the weight of it all.

The thing about spring snow, though, is that it’s a quick go. The daffodils seem to rise up and shake off the layer of white, turning their heads and hearts to the Light beaming over them, receiving it’s warmth once again.

May you find the strength to do the same.

“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait I say, on the Lord!”

(Psalms 27:13-14 NKJV)

 

 

Flowers (And Marriages) Aren't Forever, But God's Love Is

 

If you’re still in the early days of the loss of your spouse, in the early stages of grief, this post probably isn’t for you. And that’s because there’s truth in the statement that distance gives perspective. Sometimes you have to be a ways down the road to recovery before you can look back at situations in the past and view them differently.

I remember that in those first few months after losing my husband I felt that because I’d lost the love of my life, that I’d lost all love in my life.

I couldn’t have been more wrong, but I couldn’t see it then. In recent days God gave me a picture to help me understand.

Valentine’s weekend is recently past, and Jim always gave me a bouquet of flowers to show his love. I loved receiving them, of course, and did my best to keep them looking fresh for as long as possible. I put them in water, stirring in the little packet of preservative that came with the flowers to feed them and keep the water fresh, trimming the ends of the stems to help their ability to absorb it, and later replacing the water and re-trimming the stem ends as needed. I pulled off dead leaves, petals, and old blooms when necessary to keep the bouquet beautiful for as long as possible. I enjoyed it every day until eventually it was spent and I had to throw it away.

Never once did I think that in doing so I was throwing Jim’s love away; just an expression of the same.

When Jim and I got married, I was very aware that my husband was a gift from God, similarly an expression of His love for me. I received it gratefully, and over the years we nurtured our marriage the way I tended to a bouquet of flowers – keeping it fresh with regular infusions of the water of the Spirit and the food found in God’s Word, working together through problems and removing withered parts of our past. Most of all we enjoyed our time together… until that time was past. Over the years however, without it being my intention, I subconsciously equated “love” with “Jim”, not God. So when my husband passed, my heart felt that it had lost all the love it had known, increasing the feelings of despair and sadness.

Perhaps it was His Valentine’s gift to me this year that God, too, gave me “flowers”… a mental picture that my heart finally understood. My marriage to Jim was an expression of God’s love for me the way my annual flower bouquet was an expression of the Jim’s love for me. The marriage didn’t represent the totality of God’s love an more than a bouquet could represent Jim’s. When the flowers eventually died, I still had Jim and his love. And when Jim died and our marriage came to an end, I still had God’s.

I don’t remember much about the wedding bouquet I tossed to my bridesmaids at the end of my special day… but I can look back and see 39 gorgeous “stems” in my marriage bouquet from God – each year shaped and colored differently by the joys and sorrows it contained. Funny that those pictures never fade - they remain fresh in my memory and heart. And He continues to give me evidences of His love every day that I look up to Him with the same.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

(Romans 8:38-39 NIV)

His Love Hangs On

The holiday season is over, and so I’ve been busy packing up the decorations that help make it so special. One by one, piece by piece, they are put away till it’s time for them to  bring joy again next year.

I added something new to my collection last December, however… a small pre-lit pine tree with a few sprigs of holly and pinecones nestled in the branches. Inspired by a t-shirt my sister gave me, my daughter-in-law and I spent a fun morning winding little yarn ball ornaments to hang from the branches, reflecting my love of both knitting and Christmas. I loved the way it turned out and switch the lights on to add cheer to my devotional hour each morning, even long after all my other Christmas lights have been dimmed for the year.

The problem is that I have enjoyed it so much that now I can’t bear to put it away. And so, I decided I could decorate it seasonally and allow it to stay. And it turned out that God wanted to use it to illustrate a message He sent my way.

You see, a friend of mine lost her husband suddenly just the other day. He went out to run an errand, and she saw his truck pull in the driveway upon his return… except he never reentered the house. Concerned, she went out to see what he was doing and found him unresponsive; despite heroic measures to resuscitate him, he passed away. Her heart is broken; she is feeling her way day to day… a path all of us reading this blog have trod.

While I hadn’t seen either of them in years, I remember them both fondly from the days years ago when my husband led a small group Bible study in their home. Once a week Terry set a hot meal in front of us as we visited over her kitchen table. Then the table was cleared, the notebooks and Bibles came out, and my husband shared a lesson of some sort which we discussed together. We always ended in a time of prayer, and left with warm and happy hearts; laughter and peace were our escorts home.

Years have passed since those days, and how strange to think that the men in that group are all celebrating with Jesus today in Heaven. I like to picture them enjoying being together again, sharing laughs and exploring the wonders of Heaven together.

Although they are all gone, One remains, One who loves each of us as fiercely as our husbands once did. We are not alone. He brings love, comfort and direction in every way that we need it. And so, as I packed away the holiday decorations, I felt led to leave one particular set or ornaments out – a collection of small hearts that I will hang on my little tree in place of the yarn balls I made. To me they represent the Love of the Christmas season, which although perhaps we feel most in December, remains with us in January, February, and every month that we “march” through in the rest of the year. I think God would remind us that the love of our husbands “hangs around” our lives constantly; it’s not packed away upon their deaths. We catch glimpses of it increasingly as we go through our days, and we will notice it more and more as our eyes and hearts grow accustomed to looking for it.

God hung His Heart upon a rough cut “tree” for me a long time ago; I’m so grateful He never has packed it away, but that it comforts, guides and encourages me every day.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?... For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 

(Romans 8:35,38-39 NIV)

New Year's Day Delay

Your New Year’s Day may not hit on January 1^st… and that’s okay.

I know what the calendar says. But New Years is more of a mindset than a holiday, and if your mind is not currently set on celebration, for you there was no reason to stay up late, raise a glass in a toast or watch a ball drop, especially if your mood is already down as you enter the hew year without the one you loved and lost… however long ago that may have been.

So many around me this year are in that exact spot and feel no reason to celebrate the hope of happiness that seems to have taken wing and flown away.

While reflecting on this one morning just before the turn of the year, I happened to look out my bedroom window. The sun had not yet risen and in those predawn minutes I could just barely see a bluebird perched on the edge of the heated water dish that sits on the deck railing, surrounded at the moment by snow. The bird was drinking repeatedly in the cold and the dark, knowing that daylight was about to break through.

May I suggest that we simply do the same? No matter how dismal and cold and heavy our life situations feel today, let us keep drinking deeply in the well of God’s love for us, secure in the knowledge that the Light will break through this current darkness, and better days are on the way. And when Hope finally has its way in your heart again, as it eventually will, raise a toast to the One Who loves you the most, and then celebrate your personal Happy New Year’s Day.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

(Hebrews 11:1 KJV)

 

Patched, Not Perfect

For some, it’s the lighted Christmas tree in the living room that says the Christmas season is underway. Others feel it when they first hear carols coming out of the stereo, see lighted displays on the nighttime drive home from work, or smell gingerbread baking in the oven. But nothing puts the holiday happiness in my heart like seeing my Christmas decorations on top of my kitchen cabinets once more. Twinkling colored lights twisted through a lengthy garland edge a display of stuffed Christmas characters interspersed with decorated shopping bags and holiday-themed plates. In the course of the forty years I have lived in this house, certain items have laid claim to their own positions in the display. Stuffed versions of Rudolph and Clarice insist on being placed directly over the oven, their noses almost touching as if kissing under invisible mistletoe, while the Abominable Snowman roars menacingly from a nearby corner. A lamb sleeps in a lion’s arms at the other end of the cabinetry, representing the peace of the season, while penguins, snowmen and gingerbread people wave merrily at any who happen to look in their direction. As much as I love each of the individual elements of the display, it’s the lights that make it special to me.

Nothing speaks hope in a darkened world like a string of brightly twinkling lights. That’s why I was devastated to look up one day early in the season and see that a section of the garland in the center of the display had gone dark. Everything else was still in place; the reindeer still posed, the snowmen still waved, and the Christmas bags still displayed their messages of goodwill. But it seemed meaningless and joyless somehow without the lights winding through it all.

Some of you know exactly what I mean. The light has gone out of your Christmas this year and you find yourself just going through the motions without the joy that makes the holiday season so bright. The loss of your spouse has dimmed your delight and left you with an absent face and an empty place at the dinner table. You have lost your hope of a happy holiday season this year.

Some of us deal with these difficulties by just opting out. We decide to just skip Christmas this year. We vow to celebrate as usual again next year when we feel more in the spirit of things. And in doing so we miss the chance to have the most precious holiday season of any that’s gone before… because never have we needed it more. Christmas is fun when things are going well in life. But its true meaning is discovered when things are not going as planned… when life is interrupted by some unexpected darkness.

The message of Christmas is that God is with us in the midst of our trouble. Even when we feel most alone, He is aware of our situation, collecting our tears, and counting the days till the culmination arrives. Surely God was with Mary long before the actual birth of Jesus in Bethlehem. She physically carried the Answer to her prayers during the days of her humiliating pregnancy… on that long jolting ride on the back of a donkey… in those painful hours of delivery in the hay of a stable floor. It was at the height of her distress that Hope was born, and she was suddenly able to see and hold the baby whose very name spoke the Christmas message: Emmanuel, “God is with us.”

And so it can be for you. The wonder of a difficult Christmas is the opportunity to learn anew that though your circumstances might be challenging, you are not alone in them. Hope is longing to be born anew in their midst. As you travel the difficult road to your own personal Bethlehem, know that there is help available to those who are struggling to find their way. What a lesson there is for us in that even the wise men searching for Jesus had to stop and ask for direction, not once, but multiple times. There is an often overlooked Christmas gift tucked into the paragraphs of the Bible describing the event. Hidden in the story are the words, “And receiving an answer to their asking, they were divinely instructed…” (Matthew 9:12 AMP, emphasis mine). They asked what to do, and received an answer. We can do the same.

My kitchen garland is shining brightly again now. I found extra short strings of lights I had bought at the end of the season last year and was able to weave a new strand in with the old to get me through until I can buy a new garland at a later date. And so it is with the more serious aspects of this holiday season. If you’re struggling in any way, ask for help, especially of God, and receive with joy and thanksgiving the assistance that comes in a wide variety of forms. Your Christmas may be patched rather than perfect, but it can be perfectly wonderful, just the same.

“Direct my footsteps according to your word…” (Psalm 119:133 NIV)

 

 

Flowers for Thanksgiving

 

I struggled the other day with “blue” Monday-like feelings on what should have been a happy Friday afternoon.

It’s a rare occurrence in my life. I have been gifted with a generous dose of “the oil of gladness”, and generally it’s in overflow mode. But every once in a while, gloom settles in like a thick November fog. I feel drippy and sad instead of joyful. And because it’s such a rare occurrence for me, I struggle more than most on a bad day.

Most shake the mood off with a shrug of the shoulders. “It happens”, they say. And I get that. But it rarely happens to me. So it’s important to have coping methods in place so that the feelings don’t overtake me, and so that one bad day doesn’t turn into a string of the same. I need a refresher course on how to “shake it off”.

First, I remember Whose I am, that I am not alone, but deeply loved by an ever-present God. I make sure I take care of my physical needs, to eat something good for me, foods that feed my body and soul, not my mood. I remind myself to exercise to release the right hormones and serotonins into my system… and to get enough sleep.

More than anything else, however, I need to remember gratitude, and to rehearse my blessings, the gifts of the day. The Jesus Calling devotional instructs me to look for and pluck the flowers God has placed along the pathway of my life… to gather them in a beautiful bouquet of thanksgiving to present to Him at the end of the day.

For years I’ve felt the need to have a floral centerpiece on my Thanksgiving table. I’m especially fond of the ones that have a candle in the middle of the arrangement. I thought I was just bringing a touch of beauty to add to the day. Now I know that God had a purpose behind the practice, a reminder to let each flower represent a grateful thought, and to put together as many as I could as an offering of thanks. I found that the mental practice relit the joy in my life, much as the physical act of striking a match put a flame to the wick on that wax stick… and that my gloomy thoughts simply melted away.

“In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

(1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV)