Flowers for Thanksgiving

 

I struggled the other day with “blue” Monday-like feelings on what should have been a happy Friday afternoon.

It’s a rare occurrence in my life. I have been gifted with a generous dose of “the oil of gladness”, and generally it’s in overflow mode. But every once in a while, gloom settles in like a thick November fog. I feel drippy and sad instead of joyful. And because it’s such a rare occurrence for me, I struggle more than most on a bad day.

Most shake the mood off with a shrug of the shoulders. “It happens”, they say. And I get that. But it rarely happens to me. So it’s important to have coping methods in place so that the feelings don’t overtake me, and so that one bad day doesn’t turn into a string of the same. I need a refresher course on how to “shake it off”.

First, I remember Whose I am, that I am not alone, but deeply loved by an ever-present God. I make sure I take care of my physical needs, to eat something good for me, foods that feed my body and soul, not my mood. I remind myself to exercise to release the right hormones and serotonins into my system… and to get enough sleep.

More than anything else, however, I need to remember gratitude, and to rehearse my blessings, the gifts of the day. The Jesus Calling devotional instructs me to look for and pluck the flowers God has placed along the pathway of my life… to gather them in a beautiful bouquet of thanksgiving to present to Him at the end of the day.

For years I’ve felt the need to have a floral centerpiece on my Thanksgiving table. I’m especially fond of the ones that have a candle in the middle of the arrangement. I thought I was just bringing a touch of beauty to add to the day. Now I know that God had a purpose behind the practice, a reminder to let each flower represent a grateful thought, and to put together as many as I could as an offering of thanks. I found that the mental practice relit the joy in my life, much as the physical act of striking a match put a flame to the wick on that wax stick… and that my gloomy thoughts simply melted away.

“In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

(1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV)

River Rescue

 

The Deschutes River in central Oregon is one of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. Its serenely moving water through beautiful mountain scenery entices water enthusiasts by the hundreds each sunny summer day to enjoy a long, lazy float in a canoe, tube or raft. But there are stretches of dangerous rapids and waterfalls that can suddenly change a day of summer fun into a horrible tragedy in a matter of minutes.

It happened two weeks before we arrived in the locale for a family reunion; six people tied their tubes together and were enjoying their float so much that they missed the signs warning of dangerous water ahead. Too late, they realized they had missed the exit point, abandoned their tubes, and tried to swim to shore. Half the group made it; half were swept over the falls, their lives lost.

On this particular day, my family and I were on the river ourselves,  having signed up for a whitewater raft trip down a three-mile stretch of the same river. The six of us piled into the raft and were soon listening to our guide’s instructions on how to get back into the craft should we fall out or deliberately jump out to swim in one of the river’s more gentle spots.

What was interesting to me was that the person in the water does nothing but position himself at the edge of the raft. The lifting in is all done by a person still inside the craft, who reaches down and grabs the swimmer by the shoulder straps on the top of their life vest. He then falls backward into the raft, pulling the swimmer in on top of him, easy as can be.

I share this because the first few months after the loss of a husband can make you feel like you have likewise been thrown into fast-moving water and are in danger of drowning or being swept away. Some new widows are able to swim to safety on their own, but others rely on the strength of those in the same boat to reach out and haul them  back into the safety of the life-raft… the companionship of those in the same situation... as we listen to the directions of our Guide and navigate any rough water we may face in the future… together.

When the four in our party who had exited the raft to swim were ready to get back on board, the guide looked at my daughter-in-law and me expectantly, waiting for us to reach down and haul them in. Neither of us moved – we didn’t feel we had the strength necessary to pull somebody else on board, so the guide pulled the first one in himself. That person then pulled the next one in, and so forth until we were all safely on board once more.

On the bus trip home I remembered the words of the guide who urged us to help the others on board, a task we two women felt physically unable to perform at the time. When we watched the others in our group help each other back in, we realized it was something we could have accomplished, as well – we were simply afraid to try.

And so it is with those who are navigating the deep waters of widowhood. God is looking to those of us who have successfully come through the experience to reach out and help those who are struggling to get back on board… simply by offering companionship, physical help with day to day needs, and emotional support in ways as varied as the individuals we are. We all have the “strength” necessary – gifts or abilities of some kind to use in helping another through turbulent times. We just need to put them into action.

When feeling inadequate, we need only to think of how others helped us back in the boat when we were the ones struggling, and simply offer the same to the next one in line.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you…” (Isaiah 43:2 NIV)

The Angst of August

August and I were adversaries for a few years fallowing the death of my husband. I dreaded its arrival, bringing with it the memory of difficult days battling a terminal illness, first at home, then in the hospital. His life came to an end on the same day the month did. Each year the flip of the calendar page to that last month of summer depressed me.

God freed me from that recurring agony by changing my perspective... He moved me from defensive actions to going on the offensive. I could deliberately counter the onslaught of painful memories by writing activities into those daily calendar squares that I’d look forward to rather than dread. Suddenly August changed from a month of “angst” to one of adventure.

And it worked. I said “Yes!” to going on trips with my kids if the opportunities arose, and if they didn’t, I planned my own excursions to find new breakfast nooks or book a look at little towns in distant locales. Because I now plan to have fun in those 31 days, I do. Not every day has to be filled with activity; it was a new mindset God was after. He set me looking for joy instead of hiding from distress… an action I can choose every day of any month, for that matter.

August and I have come to terms with each other; we’re friends again. I never would have guessed it was possible, but now it’s even one of my favorite months of the year!

Besties! Who knew?!

“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.”

(Ecclesiastes 8:15 NIV)

(photo credit: Unsplash/MatthewSleeper) 

Presence is Powerful

 

Another woman I know joined the ranks of widowhood this month.

She’s young, only in her early thirties, yet she and the love of her life had been together twelve years already, married for four. A surprise diagnosis of both leukemia and rectal cancer turned their lives upside down. They battled both bravely together for a year, and she (literally!) never left his side. But in the end he died and she cried.

And now I wonder what I can offer her in her situation. She has a lot of support – friends with the skills to help her with her financial decisions, girlfriends that gather to keep her smiling, and a devoted mother-in-law who has stayed near to help her tie up any loose ends. I’m over twice her age and on the perimeter of her friends group. What can I possibly do or say to help her in any way?

I can pray that she finds her way. For truly every one of us who has lost a husband knows the difficulty of moving forward without him – physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. Perhaps it’s in that last category that I can be the most help, with prayers that she would see that God is incredibly close to her broken heart.

I can try to brighten a day. The pastor who preached her husband’s funeral reminded those gathered around her in the church building that they needed to stay around her going forward. He challenged us to each pick a day every month to hold her hand in some way, through a text, a phone call, or time spent together.

I can remember her special days – their anniversary, his birthday, the anniversary of his passing – those days in which his loss is felt especially poignantly. Just knowing that somebody else is remembering the day’s significance along with her wraps a blanket around her hurting heart and will offer comfort as she slowly finds her way.

I can remember the ways I was helped in the early days of my sorrow, and perhaps find a place from my past from which to offer solace in her sorrowful present circumstances.

Reminding her of the very real Presence of God in her life by being present myself is likely the best way to offer help.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

(Psalm 34:18 NIV)