I didn't mention it to anyone, and there are few people who still know the significance of the 7th of June to my life anymore. And that’s perfectly fine; I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me or worry that I might be sad. And surely I was sad on this date the first couple of years after Jim passed. But slowly my feelings changed from sorrow to immense gratitude for the life and love we shared… and now I’m back to celebrating it again.
It's different now, of course – I’m doing things on my own. But my memories are full of the time we had together… and so my activities today center on those days.
This morning I made a playlist of our favorite songs to listen to as I drive around town this weekend. I made scrambled eggs for breakfast, remembering how my sister fulfilled her matron-of-honor duties of getting me ready for the day ahead by cooking me the same 45 years ago on this date. As I stopped to pet my pets on the couch, I lifted my eyes and saw the framed photo of Mt. St. Helens on a nearby wall, remembering how it erupted three weeks before our wedding in Washington state. I'm glad I can smile about it now, but back then it seemed like a disaster, as the skies rained mud and our entire world seemed covered in gray volcanic ash! When I arrived at the church on the morning of my big day, I found several men from our congregation shoveling and sweeping up the mess that had fallen, so that the parking lot would be clean for the soon arrival of the wedding party and the guests who were to come... still blessed today by such kindness shown back then.
Just before noon today I headed to a farm market that Jim and I liked to frequent each spring, and picked out a couple of our favorite annuals to fill the hanging pots I had left empty for that purpose, laughing at how delighted he would be that I was still receiving flowers on our special day! And then I stopped at a drive-through restaurant for the 2-piece fried fish or chicken dinner we so often picked up on our way home from church… and yes, I ate the hush puppies on the way home, just like we used to do, and found they tasted just as good today as they did when we used to sneak them hot out of the box back then. In short, I packed the day full of happy memories and recreated as many of them as I could.
I’ve learned through the years that anniversaries can still be happy days, even in widowhood, because I don’t celebrate alone. I knew God was on board today when I was sitting on the couch prior to leaving the house, and happened to glance down. There on the rug was the heart-shaped stitch marker I had “lost” a couple of nights ago while knitting as I watched TV. I looked high and low for it at the time, but I eventually had to get another, because the first seemed to have vanished into thin air. Now I know that God had grabbed it Himself, that He might deliberately place it where I would see it on my special day, and know that He would keep me in stitches, and my steps would be “marked” by His love in so many wonderful ways… making it a very Happy Anniversary, indeed.
“For your Maker is your husband – the Lord Almighty is His Name…” (Isaiah 54:4 NIV)
