Patched, Not Perfect

For some, it’s the lighted Christmas tree in the living room that says the Christmas season is underway. Others feel it when they first hear carols coming out of the stereo, see lighted displays on the nighttime drive home from work, or smell gingerbread baking in the oven. But nothing puts the holiday happiness in my heart like seeing my Christmas decorations on top of my kitchen cabinets once more. Twinkling colored lights twisted through a lengthy garland edge a display of stuffed Christmas characters interspersed with decorated shopping bags and holiday-themed plates. In the course of the forty years I have lived in this house, certain items have laid claim to their own positions in the display. Stuffed versions of Rudolph and Clarice insist on being placed directly over the oven, their noses almost touching as if kissing under invisible mistletoe, while the Abominable Snowman roars menacingly from a nearby corner. A lamb sleeps in a lion’s arms at the other end of the cabinetry, representing the peace of the season, while penguins, snowmen and gingerbread people wave merrily at any who happen to look in their direction. As much as I love each of the individual elements of the display, it’s the lights that make it special to me.

Nothing speaks hope in a darkened world like a string of brightly twinkling lights. That’s why I was devastated to look up one day early in the season and see that a section of the garland in the center of the display had gone dark. Everything else was still in place; the reindeer still posed, the snowmen still waved, and the Christmas bags still displayed their messages of goodwill. But it seemed meaningless and joyless somehow without the lights winding through it all.

Some of you know exactly what I mean. The light has gone out of your Christmas this year and you find yourself just going through the motions without the joy that makes the holiday season so bright. The loss of your spouse has dimmed your delight and left you with an absent face and an empty place at the dinner table. You have lost your hope of a happy holiday season this year.

Some of us deal with these difficulties by just opting out. We decide to just skip Christmas this year. We vow to celebrate as usual again next year when we feel more in the spirit of things. And in doing so we miss the chance to have the most precious holiday season of any that’s gone before… because never have we needed it more. Christmas is fun when things are going well in life. But its true meaning is discovered when things are not going as planned… when life is interrupted by some unexpected darkness.

The message of Christmas is that God is with us in the midst of our trouble. Even when we feel most alone, He is aware of our situation, collecting our tears, and counting the days till the culmination arrives. Surely God was with Mary long before the actual birth of Jesus in Bethlehem. She physically carried the Answer to her prayers during the days of her humiliating pregnancy… on that long jolting ride on the back of a donkey… in those painful hours of delivery in the hay of a stable floor. It was at the height of her distress that Hope was born, and she was suddenly able to see and hold the baby whose very name spoke the Christmas message: Emmanuel, “God is with us.”

And so it can be for you. The wonder of a difficult Christmas is the opportunity to learn anew that though your circumstances might be challenging, you are not alone in them. Hope is longing to be born anew in their midst. As you travel the difficult road to your own personal Bethlehem, know that there is help available to those who are struggling to find their way. What a lesson there is for us in that even the wise men searching for Jesus had to stop and ask for direction, not once, but multiple times. There is an often overlooked Christmas gift tucked into the paragraphs of the Bible describing the event. Hidden in the story are the words, “And receiving an answer to their asking, they were divinely instructed…” (Matthew 9:12 AMP, emphasis mine). They asked what to do, and received an answer. We can do the same.

My kitchen garland is shining brightly again now. I found extra short strings of lights I had bought at the end of the season last year and was able to weave a new strand in with the old to get me through until I can buy a new garland at a later date. And so it is with the more serious aspects of this holiday season. If you’re struggling in any way, ask for help, especially of God, and receive with joy and thanksgiving the assistance that comes in a wide variety of forms. Your Christmas may be patched rather than perfect, but it can be perfectly wonderful, just the same.

“Direct my footsteps according to your word…” (Psalm 119:133 NIV)

 

 

Flowers for Thanksgiving

 

I struggled the other day with “blue” Monday-like feelings on what should have been a happy Friday afternoon.

It’s a rare occurrence in my life. I have been gifted with a generous dose of “the oil of gladness”, and generally it’s in overflow mode. But every once in a while, gloom settles in like a thick November fog. I feel drippy and sad instead of joyful. And because it’s such a rare occurrence for me, I struggle more than most on a bad day.

Most shake the mood off with a shrug of the shoulders. “It happens”, they say. And I get that. But it rarely happens to me. So it’s important to have coping methods in place so that the feelings don’t overtake me, and so that one bad day doesn’t turn into a string of the same. I need a refresher course on how to “shake it off”.

First, I remember Whose I am, that I am not alone, but deeply loved by an ever-present God. I make sure I take care of my physical needs, to eat something good for me, foods that feed my body and soul, not my mood. I remind myself to exercise to release the right hormones and serotonins into my system… and to get enough sleep.

More than anything else, however, I need to remember gratitude, and to rehearse my blessings, the gifts of the day. The Jesus Calling devotional instructs me to look for and pluck the flowers God has placed along the pathway of my life… to gather them in a beautiful bouquet of thanksgiving to present to Him at the end of the day.

For years I’ve felt the need to have a floral centerpiece on my Thanksgiving table. I’m especially fond of the ones that have a candle in the middle of the arrangement. I thought I was just bringing a touch of beauty to add to the day. Now I know that God had a purpose behind the practice, a reminder to let each flower represent a grateful thought, and to put together as many as I could as an offering of thanks. I found that the mental practice relit the joy in my life, much as the physical act of striking a match put a flame to the wick on that wax stick… and that my gloomy thoughts simply melted away.

“In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

(1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV)

Looking For the Son

Imagine, if you will, a huge grid laid out upon a wall. On the left-hand side, listed from top to bottom are the months of the year, while the days of the month are posted in ascending order from left to right across the bottom. At each space inside the grid is posted a picture of the sunrise on that day of the year. It was a showstopper of a display, filling us with wonder at the results of the photographer’s personal challenge to snap a picture of the sunrise each day. Not just for one year… but for five years, going on six, Bugsy Sailor was ready every morning, camera in hand, to document the moment the sun broke over the horizon.  

He couldn’t always see it. Understandably some days were cloudy, stormy, or foggy at the moment of sunrise. But the point is that he was there and snapped a picture, whether the sun was visible or not.

It was fun to pick a date and locate the photograph for that day and year combo. On the back of each picture he answered three questions: 1) Where was the picture taken? 2)What was the weather like?, and 3) Did the sun rise?

I loved the fact that the answer to Question #3 was always “Yes”. Whether he could see it or not, Bugsy knew that yes, the sun did indeed rise.

Perhaps after the loss of your spouse you have wondered if the sun would ever shine on your future again. Maybe  you can’t imagine what the days ahead will look like without the love of your life walking beside you. Surely for many, the plans and expectations for your future years will have to be changed or rearranged. I guess that’s what so impressed me with this man’s mission. When the night was dark around him, he rose and went looking for the sun.

I found the discovery of Bugsy Sailor’s personal challenge so inspiring that I adopted it myself. I am not a photographer, and I don’t usually see the physical rising of the sun over the horizon. Rather, I experience the spiritual rise of the Son in my heart during my devotional time at the same hour each morning, and I document the event in my subsequent journal entries.  

And I have discovered the same thing he did – that no matter what I’m facing each day, be it fun and adventure, or uncertainty and difficulty, the Son always rises. And making the effort to rise and look for Him at an early hour of the morning enables me to face the rest of the hours of the day, and even an uncertain future, with peace and joy.

After 1718 consecutive mornings, Bugsy missed the sunrise on Day #1719. A dead phone battery kept his alarm from going off and he overslept. Can you imagine his despair? In that instant he faced a serious moment of decision. Should he pack it all up and be done with the project… or continue on? I love the fact that he simply got up the next morning and was back at it again.

We, too, for whatever reason, will have mornings when we fail to look for the Lord. The important thing is not that our “streak” remains unbroken, but that we get up again the next day and the next and the next. Life is better when we make the effort to look for the Son.

Bugsy challenges each of us to see more sunrises this year than we did last year. He says, “Most importantly, remember no matter how cloudy the day, or the adversity you face, the sun still rises.”

That’s good news for me and you. The Bible says it, too: “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord…” (Jeremiah 29:13-14 NIV, emphasis mine).

When life is at its darkest, God’s Word still holds true.

Answer in the Affirmative!

 

It’s a simple choice.

It started with the purchase of a necklace… the word ”YES” stamped in a silver circle... bought after a crisis of faith I experienced when my husband passed away despite prayers and pleas and his firm belief that he would be healed. It took a couple of months, but God and I eventually came to an understanding about what had happened, and I wore the word after that as affirmation of my decision to trust Him no matter what circumstances I found myself in and whether or not I understood His decisions in the same.

More time passed, and as I looked ahead to the future as a single person I realized it was important for me to say yes to new experiences and opportunities if I wanted to live a life that was vibrant and full. My approaching retirement only amplified this decision; I simply didn’t want to sit on my couch all day and waste away.

That doesn’t mean it was always easy. An introvert by nature, I can happily entertain myself  without adding a whole lot of other humans and outside activities into the equation. My job provided plenty of social interaction by day, allowing me to be a happy homebody at night. But in its absence I knew I would have to push myself to engage with the world outside the walls of my home or else become the sad and lonely recluse I was anxious to avoid. And everywhere I turned it seemed I came up against another article or news program that emphasized the need to try new things and stay socially active to keep one’s brain sharp as the aging process progressed.

And so I started to push myself, saying yes to invitations to dinner with a friend when I’d rather stay home and watch a ballgame and knit. I obeyed the urging of my pastor to meet regularly with a fellowship group at church, and followed the suggestion of friends to hang out with some of the ladies at the yarn shop. Soon I’d made plans to swim at the gym occasionally instead of exercising solely by myself at home, to volunteer my services at a place or two I’d never had time to investigate before… to finally learn the language of my Italian ancestors… and then travel to their native land, as well!

Recently I watched an episode of the TV show, Grace and Frankie, in which Frankie fondly remembers her “Say Yes” date nights with her ex-husband, Saul… recalling how once they left the house they had to answer every question put to them in the affirmative, no matter what crazy situations they found themselves in as a result! I almost feel sometimes that God and I have added similar moments now to our relationship…  where I simply say yes to whatever opportunity He puts in front of me, knowing that I can trust Him to have only my best interests at heart and that He will work all things out to my good.

So when the question of going to Africa arose, I knew I’d say yes… despite my hesitation over the many unknowns, the travel hassles I knew we’d face, and the fears and difficulties I was sure would arise. And it turned out to be one of the greatest adventures of my life to date.

On our last day before beginning the long journey back home, we stopped at a gift shop and I bought a simple ring in the shape of Africa. I wore it proudly for several months, considering it almost a merit badge of sorts, for having said yes to an opportunity, and then having the experience of a lifetime as a result. I only took it off when I replaced it with the ring I bought on the next adventure!

Those of us who are without our husbands today should remember that the wonder of the marriages we mourn began when we said yes to the wedding question posed to us. It's important to note that the adventures of life didn't suddenly come to an end when our husband's life did, although it may seem so at first. Eventually we come to realize that there is still so much joy ahead of us! Widowhood has a wonder of its own if we dare to embrace the unknowns and believe God when He promises us that we won't travel through it alone.  

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. " 

(Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV)  

River Rescue

 

The Deschutes River in central Oregon is one of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. Its serenely moving water through beautiful mountain scenery entices water enthusiasts by the hundreds each sunny summer day to enjoy a long, lazy float in a canoe, tube or raft. But there are stretches of dangerous rapids and waterfalls that can suddenly change a day of summer fun into a horrible tragedy in a matter of minutes.

It happened two weeks before we arrived in the locale for a family reunion; six people tied their tubes together and were enjoying their float so much that they missed the signs warning of dangerous water ahead. Too late, they realized they had missed the exit point, abandoned their tubes, and tried to swim to shore. Half the group made it; half were swept over the falls, their lives lost.

On this particular day, my family and I were on the river ourselves,  having signed up for a whitewater raft trip down a three-mile stretch of the same river. The six of us piled into the raft and were soon listening to our guide’s instructions on how to get back into the craft should we fall out or deliberately jump out to swim in one of the river’s more gentle spots.

What was interesting to me was that the person in the water does nothing but position himself at the edge of the raft. The lifting in is all done by a person still inside the craft, who reaches down and grabs the swimmer by the shoulder straps on the top of their life vest. He then falls backward into the raft, pulling the swimmer in on top of him, easy as can be.

I share this because the first few months after the loss of a husband can make you feel like you have likewise been thrown into fast-moving water and are in danger of drowning or being swept away. Some new widows are able to swim to safety on their own, but others rely on the strength of those in the same boat to reach out and haul them  back into the safety of the life-raft… the companionship of those in the same situation... as we listen to the directions of our Guide and navigate any rough water we may face in the future… together.

When the four in our party who had exited the raft to swim were ready to get back on board, the guide looked at my daughter-in-law and me expectantly, waiting for us to reach down and haul them in. Neither of us moved – we didn’t feel we had the strength necessary to pull somebody else on board, so the guide pulled the first one in himself. That person then pulled the next one in, and so forth until we were all safely on board once more.

On the bus trip home I remembered the words of the guide who urged us to help the others on board, a task we two women felt physically unable to perform at the time. When we watched the others in our group help each other back in, we realized it was something we could have accomplished, as well – we were simply afraid to try.

And so it is with those who are navigating the deep waters of widowhood. God is looking to those of us who have successfully come through the experience to reach out and help those who are struggling to get back on board… simply by offering companionship, physical help with day to day needs, and emotional support in ways as varied as the individuals we are. We all have the “strength” necessary – gifts or abilities of some kind to use in helping another through turbulent times. We just need to put them into action.

When feeling inadequate, we need only to think of how others helped us back in the boat when we were the ones struggling, and simply offer the same to the next one in line.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you…” (Isaiah 43:2 NIV)

The Angst of August

August and I were adversaries for a few years fallowing the death of my husband. I dreaded its arrival, bringing with it the memory of difficult days battling a terminal illness, first at home, then in the hospital. His life came to an end on the same day the month did. Each year the flip of the calendar page to that last month of summer depressed me.

God freed me from that recurring agony by changing my perspective... He moved me from defensive actions to going on the offensive. I could deliberately counter the onslaught of painful memories by writing activities into those daily calendar squares that I’d look forward to rather than dread. Suddenly August changed from a month of “angst” to one of adventure.

And it worked. I said “Yes!” to going on trips with my kids if the opportunities arose, and if they didn’t, I planned my own excursions to find new breakfast nooks or book a look at little towns in distant locales. Because I now plan to have fun in those 31 days, I do. Not every day has to be filled with activity; it was a new mindset God was after. He set me looking for joy instead of hiding from distress… an action I can choose every day of any month, for that matter.

August and I have come to terms with each other; we’re friends again. I never would have guessed it was possible, but now it’s even one of my favorite months of the year!

Besties! Who knew?!

“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.”

(Ecclesiastes 8:15 NIV)

(photo credit: Unsplash/MatthewSleeper) 

A Hug For All Seasons

 

I sent her a ring for no reason but the season she’s in.

 My friend lost her husband recently after a long battle with a form of blood cancer. She’s struggling right now in the initial stages of her loss.

 I know it’s hard. I know it’s lonely. But I want her to know that she’s not alone… no matter how empty the house, how silent her surroundings… or how heavy the weight of her grief.

A favorite song from days gone by was on my playlist this morning, “Alone Again, Naturally”. And although I love the song for old time’s sake, I’ve come to find that in my own experience as a widow, the message is simply wrong… I am not alone.. no matter how loud the voices in my head whisper that it is so.

Funny that right underneath the song on the phone playlist was an ad for an art design studio, and among the offerings was a ring that caught my attention.

I wear a lot of rings. Rather than just pretty baubles on my hand, they are packed with purpose, each one a reminder of a recent experience or bearing a message of some kind or another. So it’s no wonder I was attracted to the two silver “arms” that could wrap around a finger to deliver a hug.

I bought one to send to my friend, knowing it couldn’t replace the hug she was longing for or the two arms she longed to be held in once more. But I wanted her to have a visual reminder of a truth I hope she can come to understand… that she is never alone, even when she finds herself by herself. I pray that the sight of the ring on her finger would envelop her in memories of the life and love she shared with her husband, the love of their family and friends, and especially the constant presence of God, Who, more than any other, loves her so and simply wants her to know.

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

(Isaiah 41:10 NKJV)