Presence is Powerful

 

Another woman I know joined the ranks of widowhood this month.

She’s young, only in her early thirties, yet she and the love of her life had been together twelve years already, married for four. A surprise diagnosis of both leukemia and rectal cancer turned their lives upside down. They battled both bravely together for a year, and she (literally!) never left his side. But in the end he died and she cried.

And now I wonder what I can offer her in her situation. She has a lot of support – friends with the skills to help her with her financial decisions, girlfriends that gather to keep her smiling, and a devoted mother-in-law who has stayed near to help her tie up any loose ends. I’m over twice her age and on the perimeter of her friends group. What can I possibly do or say to help her in any way?

I can pray that she finds her way. For truly every one of us who has lost a husband knows the difficulty of moving forward without him – physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. Perhaps it’s in that last category that I can be the most help, with prayers that she would see that God is incredibly close to her broken heart.

I can try to brighten a day. The pastor who preached her husband’s funeral reminded those gathered around her in the church building that they needed to stay around her going forward. He challenged us to each pick a day every month to hold her hand in some way, through a text, a phone call, or time spent together.

I can remember her special days – their anniversary, his birthday, the anniversary of his passing – those days in which his loss is felt especially poignantly. Just knowing that somebody else is remembering the day’s significance along with her wraps a blanket around her hurting heart and will offer comfort as she slowly finds her way.

I can remember the ways I was helped in the early days of my sorrow, and perhaps find a place from my past from which to offer solace in her sorrowful present circumstances.

Reminding her of the very real Presence of God in her life by being present myself is likely the best way to offer help.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

(Psalm 34:18 NIV)

Rainbows Are For Real

 

It was my daughter-in-law Sarah who suggested it. Realizing we were coming up on my husband's birthday a year-and-a-half after his death, she thought it would be fun to remember him by dressing in support of his favorite baseball team and going out to eat his favorite food. The men in the family were all busy with another activity that night; it was up to us girls to celebrate on our own. We donned our best Cincinnati Reds baseball gear and were in the car driving to a nearby barbecue joint, when I suddenly noticed the look of the sky. It had been on and off cloudy all day, but a just-passed thunderstorm left dark clouds in front of us but sunshine now spilling all around us.

“It's a rainbow sky!”, I said with some excitement, noting that conditions were just right at that moment for the appearance of a beautiful bow. “Everybody keep an eye out for rainbows, and holler if you see one!” Just as I said that, I looked to my left and spotted a multi-colored arch outside my driver's side window! “THERE'S ONE!” I fairly shouted, and we all ooh-ed and aah-ed over it as we drove. A minute later it was suddenly gone with the shifting light and cloud formations, and we talked about how easy it is to miss them completely. Almost to the restaurant, though, we suddenly saw another. “Two in one day!” I exulted. “That's amazing!” We got to the restaurant and were enjoying our meal together, when suddenly a customer at another table spotted yet another rainbow out the front windows of the building. It was so pretty, bold and distinct, that dinner patrons left their tables and headed outside to take a picture of it. My granddaughter Chloe was sent to do the same. There was even a fainter secondary rainbow outside the first, making this third vision the most extraordinary yet.

Three in one day! My heart overflowed and a smile split my face every time I thought about it. And yet I still didn't get it...until while again marveling over the sightings on our way home, Sarah said, “You know, that was Jim... saying hi.” Suddenly it hit me. Of course that's what it was! And then I burst out laughing at the thought of how frustrated my husband would be at having to send THREE rainbows before we got the message! I could just picture him seated next to the Almighty and saying helplessly, “They're just not getting it, God! We're running out of daylight here! What are we going to do?” And so they sent the double whammy, hoping we'd finally get the point. And when we did, the laughter... so like my husband to always leave me with a smile on my face and a laugh in my heart.

Jim didn't send any more rainbows that day... he didn't need to; we finally got the message. But God simply never stops... and I wonder if He doesn't likewise get a little frustrated when we repeatedly miss the messages of His love that He lays before us in a million different ways as we go about our days. He placed the first bow in the sky as an act of love and a promise that He would never again let floods destroy us. No wonder on stormy days in life we still lift our eyes to the skies and look for a sign of His presence and His love. Rainbow skies just mean that God's eyes are on you... you are loved more than you can imagine, and safe in the shelter of His grace.

 “I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth...Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.”

(Genesis 9:13,15 NIV)

Your Invitation Awaits

 

I thought it was about the baseball game, but it turned out to be about so much more.

The start of a new baseball season is exciting anywhere, but here in the Cincinnati area, home of the Redlegs… Opening Day is a really big deal. There’s an annual parade through town in advance of the game, which is always a sold-out event. Excitement fills the air and everyone you see seems to be wearing black and red as they count down the minutes to the first pitch.

A lifelong baseball fan, you can imagine my delight when a friend asked me to go with her to the game! I almost missed her invitation, as I’d been off on a cruise with spotty internet access when her invite came through online. The message sat unanswered for five days before I returned home and finally saw it. I was sure that by that time my friend would have assumed a lack of response meant I wasn’t interested and would have invited somebody else. Opening Day tickets are a treasure not to be wasted.

Miraculously she hadn’t done so, and we excitedly, if a bit nervously, made our plans to attend together. Our apprehension stemmed from the fact that we had never spent much time together in person in the past. A coworker of my late husband, our friendship was largely limited to comments on each other’s blog posts. Would we be able to connect as well in person, especially at an all-day event?

I needn’t have worried, as we later realized that our get-together was orchestrated by the hand of God, who had plans for our day that transcended the baseball world and the calling of balls and strikes. It turned out He wanted us to open each other’s eyes to some things.

Having arrived in Cincinnati early, we immediately set out to walk along the riverfront area in front of the stadium for a bit and catch up on each other’s lives. At this point we had both been widowed for over five years, and it was interesting to find out how we had each settled into this next stage of our lives. We shared successes and failures, current struggles and recent victories. Words flowed easily between us as the day progressed, the game ensued, and then ended. As we began the long drive home we didn’t recap the game so much as speculate on what the “start of a new season” might mean for each of us this coming year.

It turns out that “Opening Day” really has little to do with baseball and everything to do with living life to the fullest. No matter how long you have been widowed, you, too, have a Friend who invites you to the Opening Day of a new season in your life. It may take you a while to respond to His invitation, but He is content to wait you out, because He is so eager to spend this time with you. You may step out into this new “ballpark” a little tentatively at first, but gradually you come to see that every day that you open our eyes should be greeted with excitement and anticipation as you walk into your field of play.

What new activity or determination might God be opening in you today? It’s important to plan for the future and the abundant life we want to live in it. Maybe you had no time to plan before you found yourself a widow, but there is no time like the present to think now about the years ahead… or better yet, to ask God what His plans for you are… and then work together with Him to bring those things about.

I like to think that Opening Day happens in springtime when all things are fresh and new. Whatever time of year you accept God’s invitation, may you find the same to be true for you.

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

Wheels in Motion Once More

In my mind, there’s nothing like a good road trip.

I had the joy of riding shotgun with my friend, Mary, on a trip to Sarasota, Florida, last week, and honestly, I’d be hard put to tell you when I’ve had a better time! Part of it was that although we had an eventual destination, we had no schedule to keep… just a determination to stop and investigate anything that struck our fancy. We were on the hunt for joy, and we found it in abundance.

Perhaps I needed the reminder to start every day with the same excitement I felt when Mary pulled up to my door. I had two travel cups of hot coffee in my hands as I got into her beautiful new vehicle, and we took off, already laughing at something silly, said or done.

How can I not start each day the same way – hot coffee with my Best Friend, laughing and talking about the day ahead as we get ready to pull out of my spiritual driveway and embrace the day’s “travel”?! For that’s what life is…one new day linked to another on our road trip to our Final Destination, accomplishing whatever God has planned for us in each one, and finding joy along the way. We never know when the road will end, so it’s imperative that we maximize each moment that we have.

Road travel doesn’t always go smoothly, however. Sometimes our vehicle breaks down and requires some time in a mechanic’s garage or body shop for repairs. Events in other people’s lives may call us to suddenly take an unexpected exit off the road we were traveling, and it takes some time to realize that it’s not a detour but an actual change in direction for a purpose perhaps known only to God And sometimes the road is simply blocked and we have no choice but to stop and rest until it opens up again.

Perhaps most devastating is the loss of one’s travel companion, your “ride or die”… your best friend… your spouse. For a time it may seem that the joy you found in life on the road is over. Life for you will never be the same again, and you feel resigned to shuffling  through mental postcards of past adventures, no longer dreaming of new ones. Some simply park their roadster at that point, and wait for it to rust and decay away, merely crossing days off the calendar instead of filling them with life and joy.

Can I suggest that God doesn’t intend for you to live that way? Oh, He may let you sit in the garage awhile and get your bearings again. But there’s a reason cars come with multiple doors and seats… and it’s because people come and go in our lives continually. They travel along with us for a time, different ones climbing aboard at certain spots and others taking their leave and heading off to their own destinations. The point is to enjoy our time traveling together for the time they are with us, giving them a lift in whatever ways we can, till it’s time for them to head off on their own adventures. Much as we’d like to, we can’t simply lock them in forever. Instead, we stop to let them off, wish them well, and give thanks for the time we spent together.

Perhaps you feel that your husband was the driver, the one whose foot on the gas pedal made your life together run, and that your vehicle must sit idle in his absence. But again, God doesn’t see it that way. When you are ready, He wants to slip behind the wheel Himself and help you navigate the road of life again…seeing new sights, going new places, experiencing the joy of living and looking ahead with excitement and expectation once more.

I love the fact that God loves us enough to know when we need to stop and be cared for a bit. If you’re in this resting, restoring and renewing phase, think of yourself loved like the  prophet Elijah, whom God led to take a nap by the brook Cherith while He had angels deliver bread and water to him morning and night until he was strengthened and encouraged enough to go on. Just because your angels are wingless and look a lot like your neighbors and friends doesn’t mean God loves you any less! While you are patiently trusting Him to work out the details, may you stay busy proclaiming His goodness to a watching world… and before you know it, you’ll be pulling out of that rest stop and entering the freeway of life once more.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV)

(photo credit: Unsplash/DinoReichmuth)

 

Handrail of Hope

I was young, pregnant with my first child, and excited about entering this next stage of my life’s journey. My husband and I had recently moved into a new house and were working on putting the final touches on the place we were now so excited to call home. My mother shoved my husband’s to-do list aside and told her son-in-law in no uncertain terms that his absolute first task was to install a handrail for the basement stairs, a necessity the builder had left undone. She was not about to risk the health of her daughter nor that of the precious grandchild she was carrying by that neglect or oversight. Jim did as he was bid.

Decades passed, and with the passing of my husband, I found myself once again entering a new stage of my life’s journey. This time it was my heavenly Father rather than my earthly mother Who insisted on the construction of a “handrail of hope”  to hold on to as I took my first tentative steps across the bridge from my old life to the new.

The handrail to my basement stairs is supported by a multitude of posts that together bear the weight of the rail I hold on to. What support posts did I need to rely on now as I moved forward?

The first was the emotional support of my family and friends. One of the latter connected with me every few weeks over lunch to make sure I had someone to be with, cry with, and laugh with… to help carry the weight of my sorrow. I realized I needed that social connection to keep my feet moving forward and not be sucked into the quicksand of gloom and despair. I found I needed to be sure to reach out and grab the hands friends held out to me – it was important to stay social.

I needed to look for and accept the practical support of those who offered to help with the multitudes of things that needed to be done, especially in the early days after Jim’s death – a lawyer friend who handled my legal needs for next to nothing, a church contact who referred me to a financial planner, and through him to a tax analyst. Another church friend spread mulch and planted flowers in the yard while a lawn care company took care of the grass cutting. A ministry at my local church would even send helping hands to fix problems my husband would have handled had he still been around.

I was so touched and comforted by the spiritual help of pastors from my past who checked in with me regularly to make sure I was doing ok. And I made a point of church attendance to keep my soul on track… but mostly just to show up and say, “Thanks!” to God on a weekly basis for all the help I’d been given in the previous seven days. Joining a small community group was important for fellowship and accountability purposes.

One by one I added other support posts I found I needed – volunteer activities to give my days purpose and to keep an outward focus. I postponed retirement for a while, knowing I needed the social contacts and scheduled structure of my job. I enjoyed hobbies either alone or with friends, joined gyms to stay healthy and active, tried new things, and took a few trips to see new sights.

The point is that the support you need is available and just needs to be set in place to give you some security to hang on to as you move into this new way of living. Each post is merely an extension of God’s hand as He lovingly reaches for yours and guides you  each step of your way forward into the beauty of all that He has planned.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

(photo credit: Unsplash/AnnieSpratt)